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Nov 19, 2021

A Short Quiz

Ted Simmons baseball card.It has been a few months since I last posted here. Recently—much to my surprise—three people have mentioned this. At least two of them seemed to imply they missed it. I may have misinterpreted, but who knows? It’s possible I’m not the only one driven mad by the virus that is decimating life on our planet.[1] Here’s some horse de-wormer that is sure to help.

Question #1

This photo shows Ted Simmons and his one-time manager Whitey Herzog—a man who saw a wire-bristle brush in 1957, thought “I want a haircut just like that,” got one, and then wore it for more than 60 years. The occasion was the 2018 funeral of another from the Cardinals’ “team colors” managerial collection, Red Schoendienst[2].

Two ex-St Louis Cardinals flank a gut-bucket bass player from the Southern Missouri Ozark Philharmonic Orchestra.

The question is:   Who is the gentleman sitting betwixt Simmons and Herzog?  

Any one of the following might be a good answer:

    · Gut-bucket bass player with the Southern Missouri Ozark Philharmonic.
    · Stunt double for every member of the cast of Duck Dynasty.
    · Man asking, “Will there be a buffet after the show?”

 

But, as far as we know, none are true.

(Answer can be found in a spoiler-proof footnote.[3])

Question #2

This one is not as easy to answer as the first. There may not be an answer to it.

This photo, which has been available since December 2019 at the online home of St Louis Post-Dispatch, StlToday.com, is captioned thusly:

In the thick of a pennant race, Al Hrabosky’s “Mad Hungarian” schtick ignites a memorable Cards-Cubs brawl that pits Ted Simmons against Bill Madlock in the main event in 1974. PHOTO COURTESY ST. LOUIS CARDINALS

Bill Madlock does yoga, Jose Cardenal checks his swing too late to avoid Madlock’s head, and a first base coach creeps close to the plate in an attempt to steal the catcher’s signs.

The question is:   What the elephant is going on in this alleged photo?  

The easy answer is that it is a double exposure; perhaps an artsy attempt by some underpaid photojournalist to win a Pulitzer Prize©. Maybe. It is at least a triple exposure, though, unless the first base coach had a highly idiosyncratic take on coaching box boundaries. My best guess is that there was a wrinkle in the time/space continuum that day in St Louis. The TARDIS may have been involved.

Whatever the answer, it seems curious to me that this photo has featured on the StlToday.com website for so long without an explanation. Perhaps it doesn’t exist outside of my head (is it a side effect of the organic, green leafy medication that helps me sleep?[4].

—

Notes

  1. Cleverly-disguised baseball card.Humanity is the virus, and “decimating” (reducing by 10%) is an underestimate, at least with respect to larger-than-microscopic life. [^]
  2. Curiously, Wikipedia tells me that Red Schoendienst was 95 years old when he passed in 2018. That can’t be correct. I’m pretty sure he was pushing 75 when I was a fan of his Cardinals in 1968. [^]
  3. The answer to the first question will be revealed to those clever enough to click or tap on the blurry image of a 1970-something baseball card at left. [^]
  4. My doctors and nurses at the VA heartily approve of my medication, but the government won’t pay for it. [^]

Nov 19, 2021

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