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The Lost Facebook Posts


Facebook thumb graphicWhen I first created my Facebook account, I created a group named “Everyone but me” and put my first four friends in it. Then I restricted those who could see my status posts to people in this group.

And then, of course, I completely forgot about this group and the restriction.

Very recently, Joann (the better half), created a Facebook account. A few days after that we realized that she couldn’t see any of my status updates. Hmm. I investigated, and realized that the 91 critically-important status updates that I’d posted since May 29, 2008 had—like a tree in an earless forest—fallen (almost) silently and disappeared (almost) without a trace. I say “almost,” because four of my friends might’ve seen them. But I expect that they blocked my status update drivel months ago.

So, because I’m a *nix geek with all kinds of curl, grep, awk, and sed tools at my disposal, I’ve scraped and archived these posts here. I’ve added with-benefit-of-hindsight comments to some (the cataclysmic end of the world that I predicted to happen on August 3, 2008 turned out to be only the discovery of the world’s tiniest snake).

As Hamlet said to Horatio, I say to this page: “Tell my story” …


Steve Bachman …

… took the “Which 19th-century Flemish goat farmer are you?” quiz, and the result is Droonger van der Hoovensteen.
April 5 at 11:17am

… spent the best part of a cold, but sunny spring day indoors playing in a Scrabble tournament.
March 28 at 7:26pm

That was posted after going 3-4 on Saturday. I went 1-4 on Sunday and didn’t feel any better about my choice.

Joann and the ACS mole… is disturbed to find on Facebook a photo of his smiling wife in the company of a large, bespectacled, buck-toothed rodent.
March 27 at 9:51pm

… is thinking of a number between 1 and 10.
March 21 at 10:20pm

… thinks Beck’s cover of “Leopard-Skin Pill Box Hat” played over the closing credits was the highlight of the Oscars (and has just ordered it and a Neko Case CD).
February 23 at 12:18pm

… is getting pumped up for big VB league match by listening to JT’s 2008 music sampler CD!
February 9 at 7:00pm

Can’t remember how we did that night, but we finished the season in first place. That’s right, 2009 City of Roseville, Minnesota, Co-ed Lower-B Division champs. “Wow!” right?

Common Redpoll… is excited to have just taken some beautiful photos of Common Redpolls at his feeders.
February 7 at 12:25pm

… is leaving work, looking forward to seeing the Wolves v. Hawks at the Target Center
February 4 at 4:23pm

Looked forward to seeing a Wolves game? Two games later, Al Jefferson went down with a season-ending knee injury, and no one except their opponents has looked forward to a Wolves game since.

… isn’t bored enough to play Duck Hunt (even if it’s free!) and doesn’t want to learn about hearing loss.
January 29 at 9:59pm

… is finishing a book (Wild Trees) recommended by daughter & starting a TV series on DVD (Arrested Development) recommended by other daughter (but not simultaneously).
January 18 at 5:37pm

… A two-day (informal, unsanctioned?) Scrabble tournament in beautiful Winona to coincide with a GRSF production (or two!) in July 2009 is a great idea.
January 8 at 10:07pm

I still think this is a good idea.

… is logging in to shill for the GRSF.
January 8 at 10:02pm

Too bad only four of my friends were seeing my posts when I wrote this.

… is enjoying a one-day vacation.
December 17, 2008 at 1:05pm

… is expecting that “Dim” Wittman will be fired by Monday, and that McFail will keep the seat warm until a real coach comes along.
December 6, 2008 at 10:14pm

Wittman was fired, but like a bad cold he hung around for a couple more weeks.

… is in his man cave, listening to jazz and (but not right at this moment) reading a good book.
December 4, 2008 at 9:02pm

… is listening to “Beatles For Sale,” eating leftover turkey, and waiting for a database backup to finish.
November 29, 2008 at 11:54am

… is breathing easy this morning.
November 5, 2008 at 8:10am

… voted on Saturday and–he’s very confident–for a winner this time.
November 2, 2008 at 10:55pm

… could write a technical manual on the subject of procrastination; in fact, one of these days, he just might.
October 25, 2008 at 7:53pm

I’m still thinking about it …

… realizes that when his attempts at humor require footnotes, disclaimers, and/or out-of-court settlements, he probably should just shut up.
October 19, 2008 at 7:03pm

… and Joann kicked butt and took names at volleyball tonight.
October 17, 2008 at 9:29pm

… is listening to an NPR stream of a Tom Waits concert, and thinking that he (Waits) is a certifiably insane Genius (and yes, that’s a capital G).
October 15, 2008 at 10:40pm

Hear for yourself! The stream Glitter and Doom: Tom Waits in Concert is still available.

… believes that Sarah Palin will one day star in her own reality-based T.V. show on the NASCAR channel.
October 2, 2008 at 10:36pm

… has been working from home (on-and-off) since 3:00am on his vacation day and is not happy about this.
October 1, 2008 at 12:34pm

… took an elbow to the chest on the basketball court today, has a very sore lump the size of a smallish golf ball on his left pec, and says “Ouch!”
September 29, 2008 at 9:10pm

… doesn’t know where the weekend went.
September 21, 2008 at 7:49pm

… is off to eat some Indian food!
September 20, 2008 at 12:10pm

… saw a fairly uncommon bird for this area–a Tufted Titmouse–in Little Canada this evening.
September 17, 2008 at 8:12pm

… is sitting on the pavement thinking ’bout the government …
September 17, 2008 at 8:00am

Okay, I wasn’t really sitting on pavement.

… is thinking it was the Cialis talking when McCain picked Palin to be his “mate,” and that four hours later after a visit to the ER, he said “Oh sh**!”
September 13, 2008 at 10:14am

… is listening to “Modern Guilt,” the new Beck album.
September 11, 2008 at 7:38am

… saw the Batman movie over the weekend (where was Robin?) and immediately recognized that Ledger was doing Tom Waits-as-the-Joker.
September 8, 2008 at 7:10pm

My friend Roger pointed out that he was channeling Al Franken, too.

… just finished The Snow Geese: A Story of Home, a *very* good read (and it’s not only about geese).
September 7, 2008 at 7:32pm

… is sitting on his balcony, readin’, writin’, and watching birds.
September 6, 2008 at 4:48pm

… thinks that John McCain has decided that he really doesn’t want to be President after all.
August 30, 2008 at 9:30am

I was thrilled he picked Palin and sealed his fate. She turned out to be pretty entertaining, too, and I was soon to hear the name “Tina Fey” for the first time.

… is shocked–SHOCKED!–that his nephew is crowing in public about his Wordscraper (Scra**le) victory over his uncle.
August 27, 2008 at 9:21pm

… is listening to Van Morrison.
August 25, 2008 at 7:55am

Nothing surprising about that, of course.

… is finishing up the book The World Without Us and is thinking, “It wouldn’t be half bad, after a couple hundred years …”
August 24, 2008 at 1:56pm

… is scraping the “Obama-Bayh ’08″ bumber sticker off of his car.
August 23, 2008 at 9:56am

… smells rain on the way!
August 22, 2008 at 6:29am

Oops, my bad! I was smelling a pair musty socks underneath my bed.

… is suffering from a case of plantar fasciitis that would make a lesser mortal cry.
August 21, 2008 at 8:06am

… notices that his friends are named “Melissa” 16.7% of the time (you could look it up).
August 20, 2008 at 8:26am

Not anymore, you couldn’t. At the time, I must’ve had 18 (Facebook) friends; three of them named Melissa.

… doesn’t have much going on Wordscraper-wise, hint, hint …
August 19, 2008 at 7:33am

… saw a Rose-breasted Grosbeak and a Baltimore Oriole in the same tree today.
August 17, 2008 at 8:04pm

… is back from the black mountain hills of Dakota …
August 13, 2008 at 12:08pm

I wonder if South Dakota residents get tired of being asked, “Can you direct me to the birth home of Rocky Raccoon?”

MCO champs… will leave for a short camping trip after playing in a softball tournament today.
August 9, 2008 at 7:31am

My team won the tournament. The camping trip was a short one, but the drive was a long one. We drove to the other side of South Dakota and spent only two nights. Still, it was fun.


… just wasted five minutes of his lunchtime making two less-than-inspired Scrabulous–er, Wordscraper–plays.
August 8, 2008 at 12:21pm

D’oh! I shoulda had a V-8.

… is taking a break from hauling down old, dusty camping gear from the rafters of his garage.
August 7, 2008 at 8:08pm

… will spend the “work day” moving back into his refurbished (and palatial) cubicle, and playing basketball like his life depends upon it.
August 6, 2008 at 7:50am

… is chomping at the bit to join his team (Chocolate Buddha) at Brit’s Pub’s monthly trivia event tonight.
August 5, 2008 at 11:14am

Chocolate Buddha finished with the highest average monthly score for 2008, finished second in the year-end event, and—under it’s brand-new for 2009 “The Tin-Foil Hat Brigade” name—won consecutive monthly events in February and March.

… is hoping for buckets of rain today.
August 3, 2008 at 10:00am

… is procrastinating.
August 2, 2008 at 9:28am

… is trying not to panic.
August 1, 2008 at 2:06pm

About what, I wonder? I can’t remember, so it must’ve been a false alarm.

… is thinking about Charles DeGualle’s quote “The graveyards are full of indispensable men.”
July 31, 2008 at 10:16am

… is happy to hear that Hasbro/EA’s corporate, dumbed-down Scrabble Facebook app has been vandalized by hackers.
July 30, 2008 at 9:45pm

… is hearing the repeated “Wheep!” of a Great-crested Flycatcher outside of his window.
July 29, 2008 at 6:50am

… shaved off most of his beard this morning, hoping to look younger than his, er, 39 years (or so).
July 27, 2008 at 12:22pm

… is no spring chicken.
July 25, 2008 at 1:05pm

… just finished a hilarious novel.
July 23, 2008 at 10:03pm

Absurdistan by Gary Shteyngart, I think it was.

… demonstrated his (underappreciated) genius and derring-do, by replacing a fallen tree branch/bird feeder joist with a marvel of squirrel-proof engineering.
July 20, 2008 at 3:28pm

Not completely squirrel-proof as it turns out, but close.

… got back into town this afternoon in time to see Graham Parker live at Brit’s Pub.
July 13, 2008 at 10:31pm

… is drinking bad hotel coffee.
July 13, 2008 at 7:47am

… will visit a friend today that he has seen only once in 22 years (and then for only about 15 minutes).
July 11, 2008 at 8:31am

This was a lot of fun.

… is packing up the contents of his meagre cubicle today for a move into temporary quarters.
July 10, 2008 at 8:14am

… (having not spilled anything on them yet) is wearing to work the same pair of kaiki shorts that he wore on Monday and Tuesday.
July 9, 2008 at 8:07am

I’ve been known to wear the same pair of jeans Monday through Friday, so I’m not sure why this was a big deal.

… has spent most of his 4th “helping” Joann paint his “office” (the room formerly known as Nic’s).
July 4, 2008 at 7:27pm

It’s now known as “The Man Cave.”

… will, later today, attend the wedding of two people he does not know.
June 28, 2008 at 9:25am

… is milking his blood donation for all it’s worth–avoiding strenuous activty, drinking lots of fluids (what else?), and contemplating a long nap.
June 27, 2008 at 1:40pm

… is going to the T-Wolves draft party tonight, hoping against hope that McHale is smarter than he looks and smarter than he’s been.
June 26, 2008 at 10:37am

I’m happy with the draft day trade of Mayo for Love.

… is not buying the Facebook ad claim that “Natural Himalayan Salt Rocks” will get him more negative ions, and wonders “Do I really need the negativity?”
June 25, 2008 at 1:36pm

… is a lumberjack and he’s OK, and so is his house (which was only briefly threatened by the possibility that the tree would hit it).
June 23, 2008 at 6:18am

I really should leave tree-falling to the pros, but “a miss is as good as a mile” they say.

… is looking forward to a paddleboat cruise of the Mississippi River today.
June 21, 2008 at 8:38am

This was an anniversary surprise for Joann, and it worked beautifully.

… is even-Steven, with five wins and five losses on Scrabulous.
June 20, 2008 at 11:02am

… is pessimistic about the American electorate.
June 19, 2008 at 6:29am

And was happily proved to be wrong.

… is enjoying the pair of House Wrens that are nesting in his yard.
June 18, 2008 at 7:03am

… read a new translation of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight and wasn’t particularly impressed.
June 17, 2008 at 6:36am

… is listening to the brand-new Elvis Costello disc, “Momofuku.”
June 16, 2008 at 3:04pm

Wasn’t particularly impressed with this, either.

… is eating Father’s Day chocolate chip cookies.
June 15, 2008 at 2:03pm

… is drinking coffee, listening to Belle & Sebastian, tackling the Saturday crossword, and practicing yardwork procrastination.
June 14, 2008 at 9:31am

… is wearing a knock-off Olympics tee-shirt smuggled back from China by his Ni Hao-saying, globetrotting, dog-eating daughter.
June 13, 2008 at 11:57am

I wore the tee-shirt once. After it went through the washer and dryer, I was forced to bequeath it to a smaller person.

… learned from today’s crossword that Chicken Little is A.K.A. Chicken Licken …
June 12, 2008 at 4:20pm

… is the anti-Jared: eating only Jimmy John’s subs, his gravitational attractiveness grows and grows.
June 9, 2008 at 2:38pm

… is older than the guy who will be the next President of the U.S. and thinks, “Maybe I *won’t* be President when I grow up.”
June 8, 2008 at 9:14pm

… is trying to cut down on caffeine.
June 6, 2008 at 8:06am

… is expecting to make Obama’s “short list” of possible running mates, and is thinking “Have I ever employed undocumented immigrants as domestic servants?”
June 5, 2008 at 1:21pm

I’m not sure I actually made that short list.

… took home a fine piece of glassware last night as he and his team, Chocolate Buddha, finished 3rd at Brit’s Pub’s monthly trivia contest.
June 4, 2008 at 7:51am

… went 3-for-3 in his softball team’s come-from-behind 10-8 victory last night.
June 3, 2008 at 7:50am

… just finished reading The Quiet American.
June 1, 2008 at 6:01pm

… is singing show tunes from “Spamalot”. Poorly.
May 31, 2008 at 10:51pm

… is a brand-new, certificated, name tag-possessing Minnesota Master Naturalist.
May 30, 2008 at 8:36am

… is looking forward to seeing “Spamalot” on Saturday.
May 29, 2008 at 3:45pm

It was a riot.

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