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A Report from The Onion

The Onion masthead
Area Man Writes Blog

LITTLE CANADA, MN—Local resident Steve Bachman, the self-styled “Bachster” of Internet obscurity, has announced plans to publish a blog. Family members, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and checkout clerks are bracing themselves for the expected onslaught of hints—subtle and not-so-subtle—of the “you ought to check out my blog” variety.

Bachman believes that his catchy graphical hook, a black-and-white bust of J.S. Bach wearing crudely hand-drawn pink-tinted sunglasses, will set his blog apart from the crowd. “It’s been a big hit with my test audience,” he says, “many of whom have expressed the opinion that it’s a very cool and subtle way to brand the Bachster name.” He does admit, however, that a few of his readers have misidentified the image. The names Benjamin Franklin, Horace Rumpole, and “Ben Stein in a wig” have come up.

When asked if readers can expect a lot of self-revelatory writing, reflection, and evidence of personal growth on his blog, he says, “No, but I do expect to skewer everyone I know quite unmercifully.”

American Voices
Area man Steve Bachman is publishing a blog. What do you think?

Black Man I think he’d be better off spending his evenings watching television and attending to his personal hygiene.
Old Woman It’s an exciting, original idea! I’m afraid to click on the “Bloviation” link, though.
Old Man His microfiction lacks a certain, I don’t know, heft, I’d say.

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