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Facebook is Freaking Me Out Again


A long, long time ago, I poked fun at Mark Zuckerberg’s baby in All Up in My Facebook Ads. You might remember that they’d managed to uncover my Diane Keaton infatuation, and my fear of being proctologically examined while perched precariously on an exercise ball. And then there were the shaving-in-the-shower twins: Santa Claus and a guy poised to shave off his own nipple.

Facebook ads oneFacebook ads twoWell, it seems that the research department at Facebook has been consulting actuarial tables and concluded that I need to get busy, bucket list-wise. So, they’ve made some suggestions.

The first pair of choices are an interesting juxtaposition. Clearly it would be inappropriate for me to harbor any illusions about the possibilities hinted at in the first photo. There is also the disturbing surfeit of arms visible there. I’m not really much of a dancer anyway (I dance like everybody is watching), and it looks crowded in there1.

Frankly, though, I’d just have to go with the inappropriate nubile dancing twins over whatever is on offer in advert number two. What is that? Solo wrestling? Looks like that guy is about to win, lose, and break his back and right leg all at the same time. No thanks.

As for come-on number three: just where in Minneapolis is it possible to water ski behind an F-16 fighter jet? I’m not much of a water skier, but sign me up for that. I don’t believe it would have any trouble pulling me out of the water, at least.


1 What is this “gropeon.com” anyway, and how did Facebook give its approval to their advertising campaign?

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