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From Unclassifiable Blather

Jun 12, 2019

Blah, Blah, Blah

Putting the “blah, blah, blah” in blog since 2008

Four headlines picked at random from my Google News ’For You’ feed on June 12, 2019.I’ll bet no one has ever used the phrase “putting the blah, blah, blah in blog” before. Not! I have, for one, as recently as last week. I’m willing to bet that it was first used within days of the advent of the word “blog” back in 1999. I am nothing if not unabashedly unoriginal[1].

At any rate, today’s Bachblog offering ratchets the blah up a notch. This is quite a feat given such past gems as “(Not an) Ode to a Great Verse” and a rich history of soporific, so-called book reviews. Significantly, though, it will serve to document the squandering of one otherwise perfectly good morning in the retired life of a 21st century gentleman of leisure in the waning days of the “American Experiment.”

Below I have shared my thoughts, based entirely on headlines, of a random-selected[2] grouping of come-hither newsy teasers. I have little idea of what the stories associated with them might say. But, we live in the age of the short attention span, so who’s to say my takes are less valuable than anyone else’s?

Stephen Hawking covers Vanilla Ice—from beyond the grave!
Okay, right away I am forced to set aside my resolve to not take a look at this. A posthumous cover of “Ice Ice Baby” performed by (the voice of) Stephen Hawking? Yes, please! I have been subjected, three or four times, to one-song Vanilla Ice halftime performances at the Target Center. I’m always happy these aren’t two song events. Next NBA season, maybe we’ll see this video played on the scoreboard rather than another of Robert Van Winkle’s performances. If he can’t get bookings at casinos, we probably don’t need to see him again. You, however, should definitely see this Hawking-ish cover of the unkillable “Ice Ice Baby.” Just one listen should suffice.

Gordon Lightfoot is still kicking? Good for him.
Gordon Lightfoot’s Gord’s Gold, Vol. 1 is a 20-track masterpiece. Aside from “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,” it contains the all of his music I’ve needed. I’m sure I’ve missed a lot—but why mess with perfection?[3] He still tours at the age of 80 (and I believe he played in Minneapolis last year). If you are unaware of the respect he enjoys among many of the greatest singer-songwriters of the past 60 years, you really should read his Wikipedia page. Bob Dylan’s quote is fawning:

I can’t think of any Gordon Lightfoot song I don’t like. Every time I hear a song of his, it’s like I wish it would last forever.

Gaping holes in the Antarctic.
Wake me up when electronically-enhanced seals can explain the gaping holes in the Minnesota Timberwolves’ defence. The hapless team employed an odious, barking seal for three seasons, and he couldn’t explain or fill them.

A small black hole; shrinkage?
That’s rough. Shrinkage, amirite? Chin up, buddy. We’ve all been there.

—

Notes

  1. “Unabashedly unoriginal” is a double negative but I don’t think “bashedly original” is an improvement. [^]
  2. Well, it was not entirely random. The Stephen Hawking story caught my eye and I grabbed it and the next three headlines and commenced wasting a big chunk of my day, and, it appears, yours. [^]

  3. I do actually own Gord’s Gold, Vol. 2. I’ve never really given it a chance. Every time I consider spinning it, I opt for the familiar Vol. 1. It is perfection.

    Now this is a real puzzler. As a pre-teenager I owned a dog-eared copy of The Guinness Book of World Records. Man, I pored over that book! Often with an eye to finding some low-hanging fruit: a record I might beat. All weightlifting records seemed well out of reach, and “Bullet” Bob Hayes’s 100-meter dash record felt likely to be beyond my capabilities (though I had finished second to Dennis R in an informal Verde Vale 5th-grade race). The “longest time continuous teeter-tottering” mark (40 hours, maybe) seemed achievable. My friend Mike D and I spent considerable time planning our assault on that one. I’m sad to say we never made the attempt.

    I’ve lost the thread a bit here. I’ll get to my point, which is: I have a clear memory of seeing Gordon Lightfoot listed as the holder of a record for “marathon dancing.” He no longer holds it, of course (I’ve checked). As with all old, cherished sports records, improved training, nutrition, and techniques make it nearly impossible to imagine he might. (Though it’s quite likely that increasingly rotund American college students will never threaten 1960s-vintage “VW Bug packing” records.) HOWEVER, I cannot account for the fact that I am unable to find any reference to Mr Lightfoot’s erstwhile marathon dancing record (light afoot indeed!) anywhere on the Internet. It’s as if it never existed. I cannot accept this. I may have to track down a circa-1971 copy of The Guinness Book of World Records. My memory WILL be vindicated! [^]

 

Jun 12, 2019

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