Randy’s Guide to Birds

Ten tips for beginning birders

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  1. Your local Audubon chapter offers guided bird walks. This is a great way to see birds and meet other socially-awkward adults.
  2. Don’t bring along a boombox and a bottle of Jim Beam if you choose to join a bird walk. Leave your three Irish wolfhounds at home.
  3. Learn to pish. You will probably just scare away all of the best birds, but other inexperienced birders will be in awe of your technique.
  4. If you are particularly fond of House Sparrows (Brownbirds) and Pigeons (Graybirds), stock your feeders with the cheapest bird seed you can buy.
  5. If you are with a British birder and he should casually mention his recent sighting of a “pair of Great Tits,” don’t accuse him of ogling your wife.
  6. As a corollary to the previous tip, be aware that if you should remark on your recent sighting of a “two beautiful Brown Boobies” to a group of non-birders, don’t be surprised to hear “why, thank you!” from a frequent-sunbather wearing a low-cut blouse.
  7. Never Google either of the two species mentioned above. At least not while you are at work.
  8. Learn to recognize birds by their songs. You will be surprised to hear that many overconfident birders claim to know the songs of dozens of species. They are probably lying, but you never know. People are strange.
  9. A good pair of shoes is essential to the birder/hiker combination. High heels and tap shoes are poor choices for the serious birder/hiker. “Car birders” can wear anything they choose.
  10. After answering the “call of nature” while in the field, let everyone know you saw a Long-billed Yellow-dripper just behind the tree with a wet spot on its trunk. (This tip is not recommended for female birders.)

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