Randy’s Guide to Birds
Graybird
Varieties:
Greybird, Geezerbird, Dullbird, Drab-colored Dullbird, Two-toed Drab-colored Dullbird, Unladen Swallow
Scientific name:
Iamb spartacus
Field marks:
Light black feathers; exhibits a noticable inferiority complex when in the company of more colorful birds; arthritic joints; forgetfulness.
Song:
Bleat, bleat
Fun facts:
- Alfred Hitchcock used Graybirds, spray-painted black, in the filming of his classic avian documentary The Birds. He used them because of their willingness to work long hours at below-market rates, and because he’d always been a big fan of Al Jolson’s work.
- In the story “The Curious Case of the Phlegmatic Tailor,” Sherlock Holmes deduces, from the presence of a single Graybird feather stuck to the instep of Dr. Watson’s right shoe, that Watson has spent the afternoon “playing whist” (wink, wink) with the wife of a patient, investing 14 pounds sixpence with the East Indian Spices, Curry, and Leather Pantaloon Import Company, and beating a street urchin with a stick.
- Many uninformed people confuse Pigeons with Graybirds. Pigeons, however, are not birds at all. Pigeons are feathered flying rats.
