Randy’s Guide to Birds
Orangebird
Varieties:
Oingebird, Baltimore Oriole®, Varicose-veined Zaftigbird, Sunkist’s Sandpiper
Scientific name:
Oingo boingo
Field marks:
Orange feathers, orange feet, reddish-yellow tail; small scar above right knee; often festooned with tattoos and/or pierced ears.
Song:
Auld lang syne
Fun facts:
- Sir Isaac Newton slaughtered thousands of Orangebirds in the course of his alchemical attempts to turn base metals into gold. In various experiements, Sir Isaac mixed the livers, the urine, and the feathers of Orangebirds in differing concentrations with metals and other substances in his tireless attempts. Some scholars speculate that the story of an apple falling on Newton’s head is apocryphal, and that the true source of his inspiration was his constant battle with vindictive, dive-bombing, diarrheal Orangebirds.
In what may have been a conscious homage to Newton, Albert Einstein kept an Orangebird called “Ike” as a pet. The sight of Einstein riding his bicycle in circles with the bird perched on his shoulder was a common one in the Princeton of the late 1940s and early 1950s. Reportedly, Einstein taught the bird to imitate the violin, and the sound of the two of them scratching out a mournful tune late into the night was not an unusual one.
