Randy’s Guide to Birds
White Duck
Varieties:
White Swan, White Goose, Mother Goose, Albino Cormorant, Pale-colored Loon
Scientific name:
Duckus ivorium
Field marks:
White feathers during most seasons of the year, black feathers otherwise;
webbed feet; unfailingly polite; copiously diarrheal.
Song:
Qvaack, Aflaaack
Fun facts:
- As an aid to identification, remember:
If it walks like a duck, and if it quacks like a duck,
and if it’s not some drunk impersonating a duck …
it’s probably a duck.
- Some White Ducks are known as “dabblers.” They kind of like to eat from an underwater buffet and are willing to stick their heads underwater in hopes that small fish or tasty weeds might happen by, but if not, they are happy to sit idly on top of the water in the hope someone might throw bread at them. Other White Ducks are “divers.” They really, really like to eat fish and other underwater delicacies. So much so that many diving White Ducks wear scuba gear and carry spears.
- Often it is possible to see a group of White Ducks flying in “V” formation high in the sky. Ornithologists feel that after millions of years, these birds will have evolved a complete alphabet. Opinions differ on the question of whether or not this alphabet will feature vowels.
